OurDepression's Visitor Submission Blog: 2013

Hi, my name is Helen, I’m 22 years old. Life is really good at the moment, but things sadly haven’t always been this way for me but I promise there is a happy ending!!

My battle with depression began probably around the age of 17. Bearing in mind I have had suicidal thoughts before that age and a lot of things happened in the few years before that but I don’t recall being depressed? Despite the fact that when I was 12, I entered a relationship with my first boyfriend who soon turned out to be abusive. A few days before my 14th birthday, he raped me and I got pregnant. Over a month later, I then miscarried my daughter. So yeah, tough times even as a teenager for me. But I noticed it/think it began, when I was 17. I was at a 6th form college then and was studying an ICT course. I was feeling depressed a lot and getting annoyed over simple things. Plus I was being bullied yet again by the boys in my class and didn’t have many friends in the college. I remember being bit suicidal a few times and a help forum advised to see a doctor about it. I made the appointment but ended up cancelling it. A couple of months later I bravely remade it and promised myself I would go ahead and do it. But just before that had happened, I took my first overdose, it was only a small one, but an overdose regardless. That day I’d collected my AS results and took them. I can’t remember why, probably because I was struggling with the thoughts I was having. Plus there had been a big argument with my eldest sister and nobody was talking to her. Yet I wasn’t allowed to know anything other than we had to look after my nephew for a few days. The side effects from that were horrendous, probably the 2nd worse set of side effects. I’ll never forget the pain I had the following day and feeling sick. But I had to pretend everything was okay as I was spending the day with my then best friend & the evening aswell. About a week & half later I went to my appointment and discussed it with my doctor. He didn’t want to give medication to under 18’s and I think he referred me to see the CPN for an assessment. I was anxious about this but hoped it would get me some help. Anyway the following month (October), I finally had my appointment with the CPN. That was a total disaster, I was left in the waiting room for nearly an hour before the receptionist noticed I hadn’t been. Bearing in mind, the waiting room was pretty dead. Anyway they sorted it out for me and allowed me to phone my college to let them know where I was. I actually phoned my enablers as they were expecting me to be back at a specific time. Anyway I finally saw her and immediately didn’t like her. She tried to blame me for not calling my name out even though she’d been out a couple times. She told me I should have said something to her. But how could I when we’d never even met before? Then we started to have a chat but she told me she wanted to do the assessment later that afternoon as she had another appointment. I wasn’t impressed but agreed I would come back in the afternoon, even though I felt she’d been patronising saying we’d learn about self harm and whatever else she said. After that stressful appointment, I rushed to college & decided not to go back in the afternoon for my assessment.

During October 2007, my Dad walked out on my Mum & myself. The day before he told me, he went and stopped over at my Nan’s, saying that she was ill. He’d sent a text and jokingly said to someone how it felt like my parents were apart and how he would have come to see me but had to cancel. Little did I know how close to the truth I was!!! The next evening, he told me he was moving out, that he wasn’t sure if he loved my Mum anymore and needed space to think but would still see me every week. I was pretty upset but it was horrible seeing my Mum cry when he walked out the door and when she told my godparents a few days later. It really screwed me up aswell. It just made everything worse and I honestly felt like my WHOLE world had come down on me and even then I had a suspicion he wouldn’t ever be coming home. The next few weeks went by in a messy whirlwind, I was self harming everyday and struggling to keep up my attendance at college. I was often late too when I did turn up. I just couldn’t help it. I think I even took another two overdoses which pissed my friends off even more and made them more worried about me. They were trying their best to support me. I just couldn’t cope. I know I went back to the doctors again and this time he referred me to the mental health centre as I refused to go back to the CPN. Then on 29th November, after my Dad had dropped my friend home & then myself, my Mum told him it was over. She couldn’t handle the waiting and not knowing what would happen. It broke her heart and mine. The pain seemed to hurt even more. I wasn’t even told until the Saturday and even then I still didn’t realise. We used to go to my Nan’s every Saturday and that one I could tell something was wrong. She said she had a headache. She walked in and everyone knew something was up because she suddenly told my Nan that my parents had separated (she hadn’t known up to this point unlike my siblings & my Aunt) and then promptly burst into tears. Broke my heart seeing her like that. I hate seeing anyone cry but especially my Mum. She’s always so usually happy. Anyway things continued to detoriate and I started getting into serious trouble. One day towards the end of term, I was really late as the phone charger me and my Mum shared had been broken and as I’m partially deaf, I didn’t hear the clock alarm go off at all. I got into trouble major style that day and it really brought me down. My enablers were so angry with me and had even tried calling but obviously couldn’t get through. I just wanted to give up to be honest and was so scared about Christmas that year. It was really odd to be honest. Everything was going okay until my Dad phoned me and then wanted to speak to my sister (he’s not my siblings’ Dad). I burst into tears big time but managed to survive the rest of the day. I saw him the following day and it was strange I guess. Before that though, my letter from the mental health centre arrivied to make the appointment but with everything that was going on, I forgot all about it.

During that Christmas break from college, I found out I’d been accepted into a university that I REALLY wanted to attend. I was so happy and promised myself to use it as a focus during the last few months of college. I started off the first week in college in a very long exam that took all week plus another one from my AS Psychology. I don’t remember much happening until my 18th Birthday which was in March 2008. Needless to say I was VERY VERY VERY hyper and happy. Everyone made it a really amazing day for me and I couldn’t have enjoyed it anymore. However the following day, I started to fall down and little did I know this would be the biggest fall of my life. My Dad should have been seeing me that day but asked me to see me the following evening instead. I said yes and then had left my phone in my room. He then sent me two texts, one that was CLEARLY not meant for me but his partner (although we didn’t know at the time) and then sent another to say it was just a jokey text to someone. I didn’t believe him but brushed it off & I think I didn’t bother to tell anyone. Anyway on the Monday I started to crumble into a major depression episode but didn’t know it at the time. I saw a sharp object and suddenly these urges to self harm completely took over me and my mind. It played on my mind ALL day and was starting to drag me down. The next day I woke up feeling worse and wanting to die. I went all the way to my college, got up the stairs to the department and suddenly just turned around & walked back out again and went home. A few hours later I’d had enough and decided I was going to kill myself. I went to a place that I knew had a bridge and was going to jump off. Needless to say I got there, standing and shaking but couldn’t bring myself to do it. Thankfully I didn’t even attract any attention despite several people walking on it at the same time. I went back home thinking things couldn’t be any worse when my Mum later told me we were going to have to sell the house. A couple of days later I was seeing my learning support worker and admitted I’d had a bad week but didn’t tell her everything. She knew something was up because I was FAR too ‘manic’ for someone who’s had a bad week. I ended up confessing to her in an email later that evening and went to see her the following day. She was so lovely to me and I did feel guilty as she was pregnant at the time and was clearly worried about me. She tried to contact my counsellor (although we hadn’t seen each other since November) but she wasn’t in so I had to seen the chaplain instead but we knew each other and he was really kind.

Things didn’t really improve after that, the house went up for sale in the April and we had our internet, phone & tv cut off so I had even less support then as I was getting most of it online from a couple of online support forums. So I felt so alone even though some of them were texting me and trying their best. I decided I was going to try kill myself again and had the perfect opportunity when my Mum went out for a long day with my Aunt. I went to college that morning and told both my learning support worker and my counsellor that I had a plan but they persuaded me to do something else. I went home promising them I’d be safe. However the thoughts won the battle instead and I took a large overdose. I admitted it to someone in a roundabout way and they tried to get my address to call me an ambulance but I refused. I went to accept it and text my Mum to say I was going to A&E. She texted and called which I ignored and was really worried about me. I ended up shrugging her off when she came home. Later that evening the effects soon started kicking in and I felt SO unwell. I eventually was throwing up and that followed on until the next day. However in the meantime, my friend had been trying to get my address from my friends and contacted some of them on facebook. One of which gave her my Dad’s work number (I worked there at the time too) and he soon found out. Which meant my Mum did. Although I didn’t know for a couple of days. On the Monday after my attempt, my letter from the mental health centre had come with my appointment that I’d made before the attempt as I’d been back to the doctors YET AGAIN about feeling so low etc. I refused to tell my Mum what it was (she saw my NHS number in the window) and later on when my sister was around, I found out she went rooting through my things to find it and did. Argh! I confessed everything to my Mum, well the suicide attempt and appointment the next day. I finally went back to college on the Wednesday dreading it because I knew people would know. My enablers ahd their usual session with me and offered me the chance to tell them myself but at this point I didn’t take the hint and told them nothing. I sometimes wish I had taken the opportunity but didn’t. Anyway the following day I should have been going to Alton Towers but wasn’t allowed to go as I was behind on work and had missed the paying day as I was off ill. So I went to see my learning support worker and had to tell her everything after she told me what she knew. Turns out she’d emailed my counsellor to see if she knew anything as everyone was worried that I wasn’t in and she knew what I’d been intending to do. She was told to go see her asap which she did with one of my enablers. Not the most enjoyable of discussions. I saw my counsellor the following day and she told me what had happened with my friend calling ehr and I had to tell her everything too. Again, not enjoyable as you can imagine. Anyway my mood didn’t improve over the next few weeks. Just before my appointment, one day instead of going straight to college I had to go a hospital instead of my local one to pick up something and that set off further thoughts to kill myself. I was desperate to do it that day. So I caught the bus I would take to college and went to the train station. I was determined I was going to jump but I didn’t and went to college after that. Again I confessed to my counsellor as I couldn’t handle it and she was so worried as I’d attempted and near attempted 3 times in 6 weeks by that point and wanted my doctor to see and help me before my appointment. I wasn’t happy but she promised I could cancel my appointment if I felt better by the time it came round. Unfortunately I was forced to go & see him that day. My friend also came with me to that in order to make me go. I had to tell him about the 3 attempts/near attempts and he told me to go to my mental health assessment which was about 2 weeks away by that point. Sometime in the April, I stopped repressing the abuse and the rape that had happened to me, this was a big cause in helping to fuel my depression even further as I struggled to come to terms with what had happened to me.

That appointment soon came round and I hated it. I felt like I wasn’t being taken seriously and practically told me it was normal to behave like this after what had happened. I laughed, most people who suffer from their parents splitting don’t tend to go around self harming and attempting suicide. Anyway he said I didn’t have a mental illness but advised me to see a counsellor and attend a self harm group. I went to neither in the end. One was uncontactable and the other I wouldn’t have been able to find by myself. The months went by and I continued trying to cope with my ongoing low moods and suicide thoughts. I think I even managed not to self harm or attempt suicide for a few months despite a lot of stressful things going on (leaving college, death threats etc). A few days before my A level results were due, I had come back home from my third holiday only to find out that my Dad had been lying to me about being in a relationship with someone. I was SO upset and refused to speak to him. Later that evening, the friend I’d been staying with told me she was no longer speaking to me and accused me of stuff I never even did. Just what I needed! 3 days later, I got into the university I really wanted and started to prepare for that. So things had been a bit more stable for a few weeks but the suicide thoughts came back in the September and I attempted again to kill myself using 2 methods, one of which I hadn’t tried before. Neither of them worked and I was so frustrated. I soon started at university and I think less than a month into it, my depression was really affecting me. I went to see a counsellor after taken yet another 2 overdoes. So I started to see her and really wanted help with my past too as it was destroying me. November came round and I took another overdose, my friend found out & took me to hospital. I didn’t feel it was needed but had no choice. It was really hard to do it but I went. This was my first meeting with the home treatment team (aka crisis team), I somehow managed to confess the things that were going on. They wanted me to have support but felt they didn’t need to visit me. The week after this happened and my counsellor found out, she contacted my GP. The following day I was sat in his room again having to tell him everything. Again he tried to encourage me to see the CPN but I refused. I can’t even remember what he decided to do at that point.

A few months went by and the suicide thoughts continued as I struggled to cope with being at university. Luckily I had a great amount of support but it still felt so very difficult to cope. In 2009, I started talking to a woman who soon became my best friend and later would become my partner. My friend who I mentioned earlier decided she was going to fall out with me too. Little did I know the horror that she would unleash on me a few months down the line. During this month, I was sexually assualted at my university. I had been attending a party and had gone off because they were making it hell for me. I had found some people I knew and trusted. Whilst we were all chatting, the fire alarms went off and this guy who’d been chatting to me stayed by my side. Whilst we were outside, he started hugging me as I told him I was cold. When we were allowed back in, we were all alone and he kept hugging me and trying to kiss me. He then put his hands up my dress and god knows what would have happened if I hadn’t escaped. The events that followed that evening were completely distressing as people had a go at me. The person in charge of the halls took my reports (there’d been another incident two nights before, although this was much minor) and we had a meeting that also had the chalplin of my university who at this point I got on very well with. It felt like she was blaming me for what he did. I know some of the actions I took weren’t the best thing to do but when you’re in that situation, you can’t think properly and wouldn’t react how you would normally.

A couple of months or so later, the suicide thoughts were becoming strong again after not following my plan that I’d made in January to jump off a bridge in another part of the country. Then the cyber bullying from my ex friend began, it was awful. This happened for months and months and then seemed to go away for a while. In the April, I brought several packs of tablets to kill myself and I was determined to do it right. In the end I didn’t take all the tablets but took a good friend. However though, my ex friend somehow found out and decided to poke her nose in. She tried to contact my Mum with no success and then contacted my eldest sister as they’d met a few months before when I was in A&E. She then contacted me and we had a big row. I then went mental at my ex friend and a few hours after crying my heart out to my best friend, I decided to tell my Mum EVERYTHING that had happened to me, the abuse, the rape, the miscarriage, the sexual assualt, the low moods, suicide attempts Everything. I even handed over my pills. She promised to get me help. My eldest sister took me to the GP again less than a week later promising me she’d go all the way with me to get help. He referred me BACK to the mental health centre for another assessment. So I went to the assessment the following month and they seemed to agree I had depression to begin with but at the end said I didn’t, however I was referred to have CBT. This never happened sadly, partly my own fault that it didn’t and partly not.

Anyway I continued to try fix myself and get on with life. I ended up failing my first year of university and later on got kicked out as I didn’t respond to a letter about whether I’d actually left or not. I contacted them about another issue but it was too late, I could have appealed their decision but decided to leave. I hated myself for screwing up but my mental health wasn’t helping the situation. I think I decided I was going to focus on getting better and look for a full time job. During that summer, I was really struggling. One evening I cut myself so that I wouldn’t try to kill myself. However the cut ended up needing medical attention. So I went to A&E who made me see a psychiatrist who promised me a big bunch of promises to help me but were never followed through. That was the Friday morning, by the Monday afternoon I had ended up back there after taking a small overdose as my best friend phoned an ambulance. So had to see the HTT again who happily sent me home regardless of my plans to die.

Instead I ended up enrolling at another college the following month to do a course. I managed to screw that up too soon afterwards. In October 2009, I got to the lowest point of my depression. I’d never felt that awful bearing in mind I had been suicidal so many times before. I was even worse at bothering with daily things (like hygiene) and was falling apart so much. At one point I was convinced someone was bugging me, was filming me and having all my methods of communicated recorded too. I was thinking of making plans to die because I couldn’t see how I could get out of it alive. I somehow decided I’d stay around for my cousin’s wedding as I didn’t want to ruin her special day for her. In the meantime, I wrote a really long letter to a GP telling him everything with my depression and suicide thoughts. He told me I should have long term help, medication and talking therapy. He then referred me to the mental health clinic for a 3rd time. I went to my appointment and finally felt like someone believed me and wanted to help me.

However in between our appointments, I continued to get worse. I even made suicide plans again including buying a large amount of tablets again. Me and a friend of mine decided to make a suicide pact and started making plans for that. However between my two best friends, the one who I’d known since January found out and ended up contacting NHS direct. They tried to contact the mental health switchboard at my hospital who were unavailable. So they decided to speak to me who made me speak to a doctor. He was really hard to talk to and I ended up slamming the phone down and turning it off. After that, they phoned my best friend up and between them persuaded me to speak NHS direct again. The woman I spoke told me she’d sent a doctor out and I refused to see him. I was then told I couldn’t be left alone at 5am with suicidal thoughts and if I refused to let him into my house, she would call the police on me who would force their way in. Reluctantly I let him come round but hated everyone so much. I spoke to him and to make matters worse, he made me wake my Mum up. She found everything out and I was put into her care (even though I’m 19 and was practically in her care anyway?) I was then told I had to see a GP at my doctors surgery. He then decided I needed to go the mental health centre inbetween my appointments to be assessed yet again by the crisis team who I’m sad to say were absolutely useless. They decided I was safe enough to go home and to attend my appointment on that Monday which was after the wedding. I was glad I wouldn’t miss the wedding but annoyed nobody wanted to help me. In the letter I later got, they stated a load of untrue things about me. Anyway I went to the next appointment only to find out she’d decided I should have counselling despite my saying that I felt I need more support than just counselling and was discharged again from them. I was not happy whatsoever. Somehow I thankfully overcame this peroid of depression but it took me a good few weeks.

2010 finally came around and I decided this was the year I would FINALLY recover. The year got off to an awful awful start but I managed to not self harm or attempt suicide despite temporarily making another suicide pact with the same friend. By this time I was trying to look for work as I failed the pre course at college, well I walked out before they could kick me. I don’t remember much about the next few months other than a terrible situation with my best friends at the time that made me cry so hard and having another doctors appointment which I made to get help for my mental health to help me recover. I begged not to be referred back to the mental health centre but I was for an assessment as the doctor was worried about my mental health and my eating habits before it could turn into a eating disorder. Needless to say that assessment went awfully. I burst into tears and they didn’t do my assessment. I admitted I struggled to be there and didn’t want them to just not help me. I decided to go it alone with my recovery. Slowly things got better and I was managing to stay free and the depression was there but it wasn’t so bad and much more manageable. During the summer of that year, two big things happened. One, I noticed I was really falling in love with my best friend two I decided to go back to a new college. In the September, I enrolled onto a childcare course and was excited to get started.

Little did I know that in the October, my whole world would come falling down again. My best friend Gemma who by this point I’d known for over 2 years and was also best friends with my other best friend Jade. Basically we were like a 3-best friends group. Anyway after some suspicious things going on, I cottoned on that Gemma had been lying to us about everything in the whole time I knew her. She’d lied about her self harm, suicide attempts, having depression & eating disorders. She also lied about abuse, rapes, attacks, having miscarriages, having a daughter and so much more. I was so hurt by this but I managed to cope somehow. Despite all the goings on, I managed to stay free. I ended 2010 with me being 10 months free of self harm, over a year free since my last OD and suicide attempt, on a college course and a temp job. Life was going fantastic. Little did I know things were about to become even more amazing...............

2011 rolled around and I was so excited as this would be the year that would be totally amazing and continuing with my recovery. Not to mention I was going to turn 21!!!! I never expected to see that birthday so was determined to celebrate it in style. January went without a hitch as did February. During the February half term from college, I went to visit my best friend. Little did I know this visit would be the beginnings of our romantic relationship. I had regretted not doing anything on the previous in October and was determined not to make the same mistake twice. It was a little complicated due to some issues and the distance but we were determined to make it work. I was SO happy. We’d celebrated my 1 year free from self harm & 18 months free from overdoes and suicide attempts. Life was pretty perfect in my eyes. My 21st birthday was absolutely amazing and I was still riding high. However a couple of weeks later, my college mates had turned into homophobic bullies as I’m bisexual. It was horrendous and even affected my relationship with Jade. It did make me feel low but I continued to stay strong and not hurt myself. The next month wasn’t much better, Jade’s depression was really getting to her and wanted to end things with me. I begged her to stay and never have cried so hard in my life for a LONG time. It was so bad that my Mum let me stay off college the following day and was that worried about me she made my sister drag it out of me what happened. Anyway things continued to get worse as Jade got worse. Eventually she made us split up in the May. I fell apart a little but despite my depression being bad too, I managed to stay safe. Eventually in the July, I was starting to feel much better despite Jade still struggling. I was determined to be okay. The following month saw us get back together and celebrate my 1 & half years of no self harm and 2 years since my last overdose and suicide attempt. I was also made an admin of a self harm facebook page that I still help out on today.

Things were going amazingly again despite me having to keep our relationship an even bigger secret. During the next few months, everything was going good except the few times were Jade would get upset at something I’d done and was becoming abusive. She would storm offline, ignore my several texts begging to sort it out, left me to cry my heart out into the early hours until I fell asleep and then made me wait all day anxiously to fix it. It was horrible and draining. I ended up telling my friend all the time what was going on and she hated that. I was also texting the Samartians to help me through those awful lonely nights that always made me want to self harm. Thankfully I still didn’t. Then in December, my world was shaken up again. Jade confessed a secret she’d been hiding ALL year long nearly. She had made a suicide plan for a spefic date the following month and had been trying to make everything amazing for everyone before she would die. It totally destroyed me inside. I felt like a whole year had been a lie and everything. A few evenings later she told me she wasn’t going to be online and talking to me much as it was affecting me so much. This really didn’t help and I cried so hard that evening that I came really close to passing out. The following morning I’d gone to college for one of the last few days before Christmas and ended up bursting into tears (again) and my tutor had to take me out the classroom by my hands to find out what was wrong and calm me down as I was getting into such a state and couldn’t talk. I didn’t really tell her anything as I knew she would tell me that I should speak to my college mentor. A week later, I went to see my girlfriend and was planning to go home 3 days before Christmas.

However, this turned out not to be I was very poorly, I’d been getting ill a lot with colds from placement and then the time of year. On the morning I was due to return home, I woke up about 4/5am and was really poorly. Anyway we had a row about it and I ended up staying. My family wasn’t too happy but my Mum understood why I was too unwell to come home. On the Christmas Eve, I decided to stay there and I really regret that decision and have been beating myself up ever since. In the early hours of that morning, I had to take her dog to the toilet and as we were going back upstairs, I started having an allergic reaction that I normally get with cats if I don’t take medication beforehand. It got really bad and she refused to stay with me. I also ended up having a panic attack and my breathing was getting much worse. It was flaring up my anxiety big style. We ended up having a major row and she promised to talk to me as soon as she woke up. However, this wasn’t the case. She spoke to me 2 hours later instead despite the fact I’d not really slept that night at all. I was so angry. We didn’t really speak and then I went to bed as I was so unwell. Then when I woke up, I promptly had a breakdown of tears. I couldn’t talk or anything. She came upstairs and then basically sorted everything out by blaming me!! Later on, my sister had phoned me and I ended up totally screaming down the phone at her. I told her a lie about what I’d been doing and she wasn’t happy about it. I was so upset about not being home for Christmas that I sent them all a text to say sorry and that I would miss them so much. I then had a major row with my eldest sister who said I was well enough to be home. Anyway this then resulted in me crying even more and to be quite honest, I could have happily killed myself. I felt so awfully low and desperately wanted to be at home and wishing none of this was happening. I hated the next day so much and finally went home the following day. Never been so happy to see my Mum. Little did I know this would be the last ever time I’d be in my partner’s house despite having been it in many times that year for visits and holidays.

2012 came rolling around which I was excited about as I would be qualifying to work with children and getting a full time job. Not to mention that I would become 2 years self harm free in the February and then in the August I’d be 3 years free from overdoses and suicide attempts. However things were still getting worse with myself & my girlfriend. She was continuing to control and manipulate me and eventually split up with me again after just over 5 months of us being together. This spiralled me into depression. I felt low for weeks and then just as things were starting to seem hopeful, she completely destroyed me. We’d been discussing getting back together and things were so hopeful. Then everything fell apart in the space of one weekend. She basically took something I said the wrong way and tried to blame me for stuff I didn’t even do. Then was making me suffer in the usual way but on a much longer period. That night I decided I’d had enough of her treating me like this and wasn’t going to be doing all the chasing this time. I refused to let it happen. The following day was extremely hard as I was used to contacting my best friend and she was online despite saying that she was going to be taking a break from facebook. That evening she announced to everyone else that she wouldn’t be around. I then made a discovery a couple of hours later thanks to facebook thing of suggesting friends to you. I’d realised she made a new fb profile and I knew that she never intended to add me on there. So instead of waiting for her to leave (if she hadn’t already), I knew everything was over and told my friends. I was completely devastated and really struggled over the next few weeks.

However, this story has a happy ending. Since February 2012, I have been happier than ever before. I’ve never been so happy, positive thinking, healthy and less stressed. I have qualified from my course and decided to do a university degree with my college. My self confidence, esteem and belief have been the highest they’ve been all my life. I am 3 years free of self harm in a few weeks (25th February 2013). I’m over 3 years free of no overdoes and suicide attempts. Everyone has noticed the changes within me and even my relationships with my family have improved. The reason for sharing my epic long story is that you CAN overcome depression & get more stable. You can overcome self harm and suicide attempts. I still have some issues with my anxiety but even that is the best it’s ever been. Also I no longer have flashbacks from my abuse and rape. It doesn’t affect my day to day life whatsoever. I still have difficult days with what’s happened but I get through them with the help of my amazing friends and family. I couldn’t be happier. I hope this has given you some hope and inspiration. Things can only continue to go on the up....I look forward to what life has to bring & hope I never do get that mentally unwell again. But if I do, I know I have amazing people by my side to help me through whatever I shall have to face...

Since the original submission of my story, I am now 4 months into my degree, I’m really enjoying it and am doing well according to my teachers. So glad it’s going better this time round. There has been some rough days but I’m handling them much better.

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